Marriage Equality

     After being with my wife for over 11 years, and after all that we've been through together, it's incredibly indignant to have our relationship status questioned at a national level. However, it is very heartening to see so many of our friends and family speak out in support of our relationship, and others' relationships. I am hoping that the Supreme Court will make the right decision regarding the two cases before it this week. But even if it doesn't, that will not change the strength and endurance of our relationship together, nor will it threaten the love that we share together and that we share with all who are on our side, and the side of so many other couples who just want to live happily.

          I very much hope that our child will be born to two parents who are legally married, and who can therefore offer him or her the full benefits and protections of our nation in addition to the love that we will certainly give to him or her.

Fetus Food!

         It's springtime here in Western Montana.  That means snow, rain, sun, repeat--sometimes within an hour.  One of the things we look forward to in our home during springtime is gardening season.  We grow a lot of veggies, fruit, and herbs as well as chickens for eggs and meat.  I'm really excited to be able to share our garden with our child, to teach him or her how plants grow, where food comes from, and how delicious and special homegrown food can be.

          For now, our child is still in utero.  But he or she needs healthy foods to grow and develop.  And springtime is a great time to finish off the bounty of last year to make sure there will be room for the goodies

to come this year.  So today, after a nice 6 mile run in the hills, I roasted a huge, 12 pound chicken that our hen, Tillie, raised from a tiny chick in our backyard.  Tillie will be wanting babies this spring too, and she is a terrific and skilled mother who keeps our backyard flock flush, our refrigerator filled with eggs, and our freezer stocked with meat.  It is a very special privilege to be able to eat healthy protein that was raised on our own land, and this privilege is made even more special since I know that it will help to nourish our baby's developing muscles and organs.

Along with our roasted chicken, I baked a raspberry ginger peach cobbler with a homemade granola topping.  We grew the raspberries in our backyard and froze them last summer, and we canned the peaches from a friend's peach orchard.  I used a little bit of honey to sweeten the cobbler, but it is mostly sweetened by the fruit since I want to help my wife prevent gestational diabetes.  Full of vitamins, fiber, and omega-3's, this dessert is both healthy and delicious.  I think our little one will love it!


When our child arrives and is ready for solid foods, I will use the seasonal fruits and vegetables that we grow to make homemade baby food.  But for now, I am happy to give our baby a little sneak preview of what's to come, even if he or she does have to eat it through an umbilical cord!

Telling the Family

"Um . . .on purpose?"

"Wait a minute; you're going to have to explain this one to me.  I don't understand how you people do that."

"I thought it would be a Chinese baby."

"Wow, that's unexpected."

"Oh, hm.  OK.  Yay.  I want to talk to you about this, but I'm really busy right now."


Those were the reactions of our family members when we told them that we are expecting our first child.  It's funny how when heterosexual couples get married or cohabit, people ask them when they are going to have children.  My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and no one has ever brought up the subject of children to us.  Everyone so far has seemed very surprised and a little confused when we announced the growing of our family.

But, for the most part, after the initial shock, we have had nothing but congratulations and well wishes from everyone.  It feels good to finally tell the family, as we are 10 weeks along, which is 25% of the way through the pregnancy, and keeping it a secret has been challenging.  We will tell friends and co-workers in 2 weeks, as long as our family can keep it off Facebook and prevent the beans from spilling prematurely.  

9 Weeks

     At 9 weeks, this is our child.  S/he has a beating heart, a brain, little arms & legs, and is growing every second of the day.

     Going to our first prenatal doctor visit was interesting.  First, we met with a financial representative to sign a bunch of paperwork and make a down payment on our baby.  It felt a lot like buying a car.  After we set up our payment plan, we went in for the ultrasound.  Our ultrasound technician was a woman who was probably in her late 50's or early 60's.  She splatted some lube on her little wand-camera, crammed it in, and was very matter-of-fact about every kooky thing she said.  "Well, there's your bug," she said when our baby sowed up on the screen.  It was exciting and reliving to get to see the baby, but it felt as though we were sharing an intensely private moment with some lady we had just met.  She kept pointing things out to us in the ultrasound and then saying, "But, please don't tell anyone I said that.  I always get into so much trouble but I never learn to keep quiet."  I wanted to give my wife a kiss, but when you're gay, you never know how people are going to react to very simple and natural exchanges of affection, so I refrained and instead asked questions as though I were in a biology class.  The most interesting answer: our baby came from an egg in my wife's right ovary.

     After the ultrasound we were sent into a room to wait for almost an hour.  After we had run out of ways to entertain ourselves with the surrounding medical displays and supplies, a crabby nurse came in and asked my if I was my wife's mother.  I am 1 year older than my wife.  I couldn't help myself, "What?  Are you serious?  Her mother?  Do I really look like I could be her mother?"  This probably wasn't the best way to start off with her, but I doubt she asks any men if they are their wives' fathers.  "Well you guys look alike," she said.  We do not look alike, and even if we did, I would have had to have been pregnant at 1 year old.  I kind of suspected that what she meant is that all lesbians look alike to her.  She asked a few general health questions, took blood pressure, and then luckily she left the room so that the real nurse practitioner could come in.  

     The nurse practitioner immediately recognized that we were a couple and congratulated us on our coming child.  She asked for my last name and said she wanted to be sure that she had the last name right for the baby.  As we talked, I learned that our nurse practitioner raises chickens and double digs her organic vegetable garden--I really liked this lady.  Plus, she was knowledgeable about nutrition and did not mind answering our questions.  It was a relief to finally speak with someone I felt I could trust and learn from.

     We then met with another person and were scheduled for something like 16 more visits, were sent to have my wife's blood drawn, and then let back into the shining world after about 4 hours with a free diaper and a photo of our very tiny, but steadily growing child.  It's amazing how the whole exchange was just another day at work for the people who helped us, but to us, it was a life-changing event that brought our little family face-to-face for the first time.