What? I have to adopt my own child?

     Today my wife and I met with an attorney to make sure that we have all of our legal rights and responsibilities in place before our baby is born.  When you're gay, you can't just get married, put your names on your child's birth certificate, and be a happy family.  You have to go through the courts and prove that you are worthy of only part of the rights that are given to married heterosexual couples.

     We learned today that we will need to go through the process of adopting our child.  Yes, the child that we decided to create and raise together, the child that my wife is creating with her own body must be adopted, specifically by me.  We must first indicate on the baby's birth certificate that the other parent is "unknown," even though I will be standing right there.  We must then go though a home study--that is, we have to have a stranger come into our home and decide if we are fit to be the parents of our own child.  The ironic thing about the home study is that even if they don't approve of our home, it is where our child will live since both my wife, who is the child's biological mother, and myself live there.  Then, we will have to go before a judge and declare that the baby's other parent has "abandoned" him or her and petition for the adoption.  Of course, there are plenty of legal fees associated with this.  So, money that we could have spent directly on our child will have to be spent on a lawyer, a home study, and legal filing fees instead.

     That's not all.  We will have to have an attorney help us to write a will and draw up a durable power of attorney to make sure that I can make medical decisions for my wife if she is hospitalized during her pregnancy, to make sure that we both can medically care for our child, and to make sure that if one of us dies, our child does not become a warden of the state.

     I am not happy about doing any of this.

     And, I am happy to do it all.

     It's a strange mixed-feeling of indignity and joy in preparing everything so that our child can have a happy life.  I'm happy we found an attorney who is understanding and can help us through these processes, but I'd rather be hiring her to help set up a college fund for our little one.  I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects rather than the frustrating ones, but that is going to take some real self-control.

Making the Food That Makes the Baby

There really isn't a whole lot I can do as the parent who is not making the baby within my own body.  I can watch, wait, worry, and even try to plan, but I feel like there is something more I should be doing.  Something to contribute to the over-all health & development of our little person, something to somehow help carry the burden of creating our child.

When reading about pregnancy, one topic I frequently notice is nutrition.  Pregnant mothers need to consume an average to 300 extra calories each day.  They also need to make sure that those calories come from nutrient-rich, healthy foods with plenty of iron, calcium, folate, and fiber.  The tiny developing baby inside my wife is eating what my wife eats, and is literally being constructed from the food.   As the family cook, this is something I can get involved with.  I can make the food that makes the baby.

Here is a quick lunch that I put together for the two of them.  It is red quinoa with kidney beans, kale, walnuts, and apples.  There is also olive oil, lemon, and herbs bringing the flavors together.

For dinner, I made a soup inspired by Julia Child's recipe for French onion soup.  A good soup takes all day to make, but it is always worth it.  This soup started by roasting some beef bones & onions in the oven, simmering them for 5 hours with other spices & vegetables, then straining the broth.  To serve, I filled the bowl with the soup, added a poached egg from our hens, and then grated some Swiss cheese onto the soup.  My cheese sank into the soup and did not form a gorgeous topping as Julia Child's did, but it still tasted nice.

In addition to foods that are good for developing babies, there are also foods that can harm them and which should be avoided.  Things like caffeine, alcohol, sprouts, and shellfish to name a few.  My wife particularly enjoys tea: black, green, and herbal.  But while pregnant, she has been advised to avoid consuming any tea.  Here in Montana, the winters are long and cold, and a hot cup of tea not only tastes good, but it also soothes and warms the whole body.  So, on this snowy February afternoon, while the stock for the soup was simmering, I concocted a couple of healthy mixtures my wife can use to substitute for nice cup of tea.  

The jar on the left is a suspension of vanilla beans, star anise, cinnamon sticks, and ginger in honey.  The jar on the right is a suspension of a lemon and ginger in honey.  It will steep in the refrigerator for a couple of days, and then it can be added by the spoonful to cups of hot water for "tea."

Honey, fresh ginger, and lemon slices can also be steeped in simmering water for about 10 minutes to make a satisfying tea substitute one cup at a time.  Ginger and lemon can help to ease nausea, which troubles some pregnant women.

I really like the idea that I can make the food that my wife will use to make our baby.  Our baby will be made of so much delicious food and love.  I'm excited to meet this little one and find out what his/her favorite foods will be.

We're Pregnant

We're pregnant.

OK, she's pregnant.  But, we're in this together and we're starting a family.  I am so happy.

It took some planning, but it was much easier than I had imagined it would be.  We selected a donor based upon blood type, health, and genetic history, filled out some paperwork, made an appointment with the OBGYN, and 2 weeks later: my wife is creating a little person inside of her body.

I have always known I wanted children.  To have a child with the woman I've loved for the past 11 years is the best thing I could have ever imagined for my life.

Now, it's time to get educated about everything baby and start making some plans.