What? I have to adopt my own child?

     Today my wife and I met with an attorney to make sure that we have all of our legal rights and responsibilities in place before our baby is born.  When you're gay, you can't just get married, put your names on your child's birth certificate, and be a happy family.  You have to go through the courts and prove that you are worthy of only part of the rights that are given to married heterosexual couples.

     We learned today that we will need to go through the process of adopting our child.  Yes, the child that we decided to create and raise together, the child that my wife is creating with her own body must be adopted, specifically by me.  We must first indicate on the baby's birth certificate that the other parent is "unknown," even though I will be standing right there.  We must then go though a home study--that is, we have to have a stranger come into our home and decide if we are fit to be the parents of our own child.  The ironic thing about the home study is that even if they don't approve of our home, it is where our child will live since both my wife, who is the child's biological mother, and myself live there.  Then, we will have to go before a judge and declare that the baby's other parent has "abandoned" him or her and petition for the adoption.  Of course, there are plenty of legal fees associated with this.  So, money that we could have spent directly on our child will have to be spent on a lawyer, a home study, and legal filing fees instead.

     That's not all.  We will have to have an attorney help us to write a will and draw up a durable power of attorney to make sure that I can make medical decisions for my wife if she is hospitalized during her pregnancy, to make sure that we both can medically care for our child, and to make sure that if one of us dies, our child does not become a warden of the state.

     I am not happy about doing any of this.

     And, I am happy to do it all.

     It's a strange mixed-feeling of indignity and joy in preparing everything so that our child can have a happy life.  I'm happy we found an attorney who is understanding and can help us through these processes, but I'd rather be hiring her to help set up a college fund for our little one.  I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects rather than the frustrating ones, but that is going to take some real self-control.