Father's Day

     Today is Father's Day, which is a day that typically passes without my knowing.  My own father divorced my mother when I was two years old, and I only have a handful of memories of meeting him throughout my life.  My mother re-married when I was about 10 years old, but my step-father was pretty disinterested in me, and we never really did any father-daughter type stuff.  The last time I saw him was when I was 18; I had been kicked out of the house while still in high school and I ran into him at the grocery store.  He asked me how college was.  He died about eleven years ago, and I did not find out until last year.  That's how close we were, and how close my family is in general.

This is the only photo I have of my father.  I found it on Facebook.

This is the only photo I have of my deceased step-dad.

     Despite my poor, or basically non-existent relationships with the father-type figures in my life, I don't really feel upset or bitter about any of it.  In fact, I can't really identify any strong emotions that I have toward either of these men.  It's almost as though I read about them years ago in a magazine article that I vaguely recall, they are that far removed from any center of emotion or personal feeling for me.  So, I generally don't give Father's Day a second thought.  Until this year. 
     I got up early this morning and went for a 13 mile run with our dog.  While on the bike path, on our way to the trail, I overheard some people talking about Father's Day, and it occurred to my that our soon-to-be-born son may very well one day become a father.  That's pretty mind-blowing to think of, especially since he is still a fetus.  According to our baby development phone app, he is currently the length of an ear of corn and weighs about 1.5 pounds.  But that little baby is growing.  And he will continue to grow until one day, he may be bigger than me.  It is my every hope that we will raise our son to have a healthy perspective on family and relationships, to realize that he matters and that he can create happiness with others.  I want for him to grow up strong and healthy, and if he chooses to raise a family of his own, I want him to be a great dad who enjoys each Father's Day by spending it with his child(ren).  
     I don't even know what our son looks like yet, but as I ran, I tried to imagine him as an adult, an wondered what kind of a person he will be.  I followed the river, looked at birds that flew over head, and I felt such happiness knowing that one day, I will take our son on this trail first in a papoose, then in a stroller, then on foot or bike, and maybe, perhaps, one day, he will lead a child down that same trail on Father's Day, wearing a big smile.